Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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