Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
