im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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