how can u be prego again
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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