I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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