I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
