I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize