i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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