happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
