So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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