are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
