3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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