I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
