You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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