i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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