There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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