idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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