i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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