Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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