new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize