i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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