Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need water and some morals
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
