just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
