What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Less talking, more tequila
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
