So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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