Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
