You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize