please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
