I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
