roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
