gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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