Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
