if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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