I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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