I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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