It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
