We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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