My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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