words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
