Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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