Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
two words...techno handjob
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
