Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
