sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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