I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
