Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
