Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
