this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
