i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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