Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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