I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
