You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can i not drive my cunt home
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
