You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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