I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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