don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
