i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
