Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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