at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize