I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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