i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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