You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
