Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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