I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
