From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
