he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
