This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You were trust falling into bushes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
