How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
