thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
