Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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