Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
