I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize