I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
